This post is seriously overdue.  On February 5th I went upstate and busted my daughter out of that hell-hole of a rehab where they were basically holding her prisoner, trying to force me to send her to a long-term care residential facility after our last visit.  It's a long story and would take me years to type.  Suffice it to say I wasn't buying what they were selling.  So now I have CPS in my life... what a joy!  But hey, I am dealing with it.  That which does not kill us makes us stronger.  And payback is a bitch. LOL just kidding... well maybe not

My son will be switching schools after the winter recess break.  He will actually be in the same building with my daughter.  It's a special ed school where they have a middle school on the 1st floor and high school on the 2nd.  It's a chance for him to get a fresh start and he better take advantage of the opportunity.  He has flunked 6th grade so far and his attendance is so lousy I've requested the district file a PINS petition on him.  Once they do that I will file a parental PINS for his behavioral issues, and there are enough of those.  He should have been home from his last day at his old school at 3pm and it's past 4:30pm... I haven't even gotten a phone call and I have no idea where he is.

The brakes on my car just decided to take a hike, at the worst time when I'm really broke.  I've just spent so much money lately on trips upstate I have no reserves for emergencies left.  They are really grinding badly.  My brother said he can fix them so that will save me labor, but the longer I wait the worse they will get.  If I do them now I may be able to get away with just pads but I won't have money til next Wednesday and by then pads may not be enough.  I'm not driving any more than I have to and I'm doing a lot of praying.

If I am not visiting as often as usual please excuse me, I am not on the computer much as I've given up my evening computer time for Lent.  I have found that I'm watching a lot less television too, since I used to do both activities together.  Instead I read, do housework, go to meetings, spend time with the kids, actually cook and bake once in a while and get more much-needed sleep.  When the weather improves I want to get out and walk.

That's it, I'm out.

Just when I thought I knew where things were going I was blindsided – but in a GOOD way.  Let me back up a bit though because when I last left off here plans were being set to have my daughter moved from the program she was in upstate to a long-term residential facility (9 to 12 months) here on Long Island.  We were originally told that the program she has been in, which is also residential, was 28 days that could go to 60 if needed (and if insurance would pay, and her insurance is very good).  But getting up there we found out it was a 60+ day program.  A few weeks after that, the place was approved by the state to be a long term care facility, so now they are in a transition period, whatever that means. 

In any case, my daughter kept getting into trouble and was taking a very long time to even reach level one.  So her counselor was telling me she was recommending further treatment in a long term facility.  She finally settled on this program which is only about 5 or 6 miles from me but it is a very long program and my daughter feels very betrayed because it is not what she signed on for, and I can understand her feelings.  Ultimately her health is the most important thing but when she found out she would be away for her birthday (in March) on top of missing out on several other family birthdays and holidays already, she flipped out on me on the phone and told me she hated me because I never visit her and I left her up there.  I could not blame her for feeling that way, I think I would too if I were a kid in her shoes.  But I still have to be the parent and take the heat.

So I was astounded when she called me back yesterday.  First she apologized for being nasty on the phone Thursday and I told her it was okay, that I understood.  Then she told me that the staff had talked and they were going to let her finish her levels and the program there and then let her go home.  I asked her if she had understood them correctly, if maybe they wanted her to finish her levels before going to the other program.  There have been several times when one staff member has said one thing and then another has said something else.  She passed the phone to her counselor, who actually confirmed what she said!! 

The counselor said that my daughter should get her level two tomorrow.  She said that they had spoken with the program director and that my daughter had been showing good leadership qualities in the community, that other girls looked up to her.  I was really happy to hear that.  She said that schoolwork had finally arrived for her in the mail (thank God!) and my daughter was very relieved to have work to do.  She said that for now they are going to put the whole other program idea on hold and if she can keep going and finish he levels there, then they will be willing to release her and let her do a year of outpatient treatment, which is exactly what I had hoped for when she first began this program.  My daughter asked if I was happy with this – I didn’t want to tell her I was ecstatic but I was! 

Keep the prayers up – if she makes level two tomorrow then she hopes to make level three in two more weeks.  She told me I don’t have to come up and visit next weekend and rent a car, if she will be getting discharged another week or so after.  I just feel really bad because I haven’t seen her since December 19^th and we all really miss her.

I’m feeling really overwhelmed these days.  There is so much going on with both my older daughter and my son I don’t know where to begin.

I guess the more stressful matter is the ongoing situation with my daughter.  She has been getting into more trouble this week and her counselor has now told me that she doesn’t think she will get any more benefit from this program and wants to refer her to a long term (9 to 12 months) program here on Long Island, because she feels their program is more appropriate for her needs and for our familiy’s, and they will also allow for more visitation where that has been a major problem where she is now.  She is faxing intake paperwork over for me to review this evening.

While I will be glad to get her out of the current placement I am not happy about further inpatient treatment for that length of time.  The proposed facility does not take insurance either; they go by a sliding scale.  I’m scared to death about that.

Her current counselor also tells me this place has a GED program, since my daughter is now interested in pursuing that avenue instead of continuing towards her high school diploma (she was a junior in high school before going inpatient).  When I spoke to my daughter earlier this week she mentioned something about this, but I think it is more that she is really very concerned that she has fallen so far behind in her schoolwork that she will not be able to catch up, even with summer school.  I told her I thought it was a good sign that she was so concerned about her schoolwork and that I had spoken to her school counselor here and she should not worry, that we would get her caught up.  I think the teacher there has been hard on here when she does not have work to do, but that is not her fault.  I’m just so TIRED of chasing people to do things…

(Later….)  My son had therapy tonight, a makeup session since he refused to go to his regularly scheduled weekly appointment on Monday.  He wouldn’t do much of anything he was supposed to do this week.  He skipped church and Sunday school, he skipped regular school on Tuesday because he refused to go to bed until 2 AM Monday night and would not take his meds either, so of course he could not wake up Tuesday morning.

I told the therapist that we had a CSE meeting last week for my son and that he would be scheduled for a screening at an alternate (Special Ed) school.  It is the same school my older daughter normally attends, only he would be in the new middle school wing.  He is presently failing more than half of his classes in regular middle school and his attendance is a problem as well.  I received an attendance notice for his Language Arts class; he has had 15 absences so far this year and he is allowed 24 before he loses credit for the course.  I’m sure most of his other courses have similar attendance issues.

The alternate school has an optional component that could take over control of his meds and therapy within the school setting.  I did not want that for my daughter because I was very happy with her providers, but for my son we have not been getting anywhere no matter how hard we bang our heads.  He has been resistant to everything.  He refuses to engage in therapy most of the time and only takes meds when he feels like it.  So a change might do him good.

I know I am open for any kind of help at this point because I can’t take his behavior any more.  Yesterday I went to pick him up at school and he was not there.  He was supposed to stay late for Language Arts help but had left early.  I went home and found him in the middle of a panic attack, unable to breathe, seething with anger at me and trying to pick the lock on my apartment.  He had punched a huge hole in the wall above my railing and all of his belongings were strewn across the stairs.  When I first saw him crying and screaming I thought someone had beat him up, but no, he was just mad that he was locked out of the apartment. 

Meanwhile, I normally do leave the door unlocked, but had locked it for two reasons.  One, when I left the house at noon I found that my son had left the front door of the house WIDE open, and it had been open for over four hours.  So anybody seeing my car gone from the driveway could have thought to break in, and I wasn’t going to give anyone that opportunity.  Two, since I was supposed to be picking my son up after school, he wouldn’t need to let himself in the apartment.  In a perfect world…

I pulled the paper clip or whatever it was out of the lock, after I had gotten my inhaler for my son to help him breathe and tried to calm him down.  All the while I had to listen to him tell me how everything he did was MY FAULT.  I’m getting tired of this old rant.  Really.  So I get the clip out and try my key in the lock.  The key goes in and the knob turns, but the door won’t open.  It moves about half an inch forward, but that’s it.  I try messing with it for about ten minutes but then we have to leave to meet my son’s tutor at the library. 

We get back home and I try the door again.  It’s not like I have any tools on the outside of the door.  I try a credit card, no dice.  The problem was, the strike plate was moving with the door knob and the door, and it was blocking the door from going past it.  Eventually I gave up and did one of those as-seen-on-TV break down the door deals.  Only it was harder because I was doing it from a step below, so I had to go at it two or three times.  It was a big relief when it gave way!

I would have thought my son could give us a day off from his behavior, but NO.  He was still acting up tonight with his little sister.  He plays way too rough with her no matter how much I beg him not to.  He got mad at her for some dumb thing tonight and threw his social studies textbook at her.  It’s a heavy book.  He did apologize at least for that one but he should know enough not to do it in the first place.

I did get to talk to my older daughter again tonight and she doesn’t know if she wants to go to this place here on Long Island now… a few days ago she did.  Can’t seem to please anyone lately.  I need to get her school counselor from here to talk to her, she agreed that would help calm her a lot.  She also said she felt that if she got in a car from there to here, that if she got close to home that she would just want to come home and not go anywhere else.  I can completely understand her feeling that way.  After all she said she was only told this was going to be 28 day program and that was before Thanksgiving.  She is so homesick.  She wants to come home January 16 because that will be 60 days since she started.  I know anything beyond that is going to be pulling teeth.

The staff person who was supposed to have the intake paperwork for me had called in sick tonight so I did not get to review that.  I was pretty bummed out about that.  Hopefully they can email it or send it to me some other way so I can get it quickly.  I don't want to have to wait until next week.

Well I better get some shuteye or I won’t be any good to anyone.

It's time to say a fond (hopefully) farewell to 2007 and look ahead with a vision for the new year.  it's a good time to think beyond ourselves and look around.  What will 2008 bring for us personally, professionally, and as a local and a global community?  How many homeless will find shelter and how many will die in the streets while their fellow men walk by still pretending not to see?  How many sick will suffer and die and how many will be cured?  How many men, women and children will go to sleep hungry in our own country every night?  How many will die of hunger tonight around the world?  How many animals die in shelters every day because no one comes to claim them? 

It makes you think, doesn't it?  Maybe it makes you feel very small... like, what can I do, I am only ONE person?  Maybe so, but even if you just make a small (TAX-DEDUCTIBLE) donation to ONE charity, to help stop ONE problem... if we ALL did that, we could make such a DIFFERENCE!!  There is an old saying we use a lot at my church:  Many hands make light work.  And it is so true.  Close your eyes - put yourself in a position of need and then just reach out your hand.  Now open them and keep your hand out to help what you envisioned.  And say a prayer of thanks that you are able to do it.

Save, O Lord, and have mercy on the old and the young, the poor and the destitute, the orphans and widows, those suffering from spiritual, mental and physical illnesses, those in misfortune, tribulation and sorrow, those held captive or sent into exile and especially on those of Your servants who are suffering persecution for Your sake and those for whom we have been asked to pray:  Visit, strengthen, comfort and heal them and by Your power quickly grant them relief, freedom and deliverance.

And now a change of subject - since I didn't make a Christmas post, I'm going to make up for it now by showing off a few photos of the kids from their annual church Christmas Pageant.  I was really excited this year because my little girl was an angel for the first time.  Last year they changed the play and the little ones didn't get to be angels.  This year they even got new costumes (for the first time in forever... at least 13 yrs).  So here goes....

My son is the guy all the way on the right.  He played an innkeeper.

My daughter is the littlest angel LOL, third from the left in the front row.

This one was from Christmas morning, thought I'd include it too... hope yours was a Merry one!

God Bless us, Every One!!

Happy Halloween!

My little girl turned four years old today.  She is the most precious thing in my universe.

Our neighbor across the street shares the same birthday.  When she saw us pull in our driveway this morning she came over with a gift bag for my little girl.  Inside was the nicest little sachet doll called Linnea (she has something to do with Monet's waterlillies).  That's her in the photo with my daughter.  I thought it was so sweet of my neighbor to do that.

Last one, for today anyway.  Her birthday party is on Saturday so who knows what will come after that!  What does she want for her birthday?  A fire truck.  No, not a toy one, a REAL one.  I told her she can have one only if a real fireman comes with it.  She said no, she wants her friends to go on the truck with her.  I said the fireman could drive it for her.  She said she already KNOWS how to drive, like THIS (grips the air streering wheel) "VROOM VROOM!!!"   

How could I argue with that logic?

You would never know it was fall yesterday when the temperature here hit 87 degrees.  Talk about global warming!  I can’t put my summer clothes away yet, but we’ve had a few chilly days so I have had to pull out a few sweaters and jackets too.  I’m getting to be a slave to the weather channel.

About the 3^rd week of September I thought it might have been too early to pick apples, but we went out to the orchard anyway.  It turned out it was almost too LATE to go, that they had almost been picked clean.  We did manage to get a few and had some fun and ice cream on the way home.

The Apples of My Eyes

Our church Sunday school had their annual Rally Day picnic a few weeks ago, when the kids get to have a BBQ and play some fun games.  One they really like is the Mummy Wrap, where they choose three adults to sit in folding chairs and divide the kids up into three teams.  Each team is given a roll of toilet tissue.  They have to wrap their “mummy”, covering them as much as possible, and the first team to finish their 1000-sheet roll wins. 

Our Team

The young kids had a blast on the obstacle course, running through tires and hoops and slides while they raced against the clock for their best time.  There was a new girl in my little girl’s class who was afraid to run alone, so they ran together holding hands, it was so precious!

On Top Of The World - We Should All Feel Like This!

On September 19^th my little girl was finally baptized into our church.  There were a lot of reasons for waiting as long as we did and I’m not going to go into them here as I don’t want to put a damper on this entry.  Instead I will share some photos of our joyous celebration.  Forgive me for taking so long to share.

Cute with a little attitude

I really wanted to get a shot of her in her dress on the steps of the church but alas, it was not meant to be.  She put a hole in her dress while chasing her brother up the steps inside.

My two younger kids attended Vacation Bible School this week at our church.  They had their closing celebration Friday evening which was really nice.  It was my younger daughter’s first year at VBS and she had a great time.  Unfortunately I misplaced my camera so didn’t get any photos of the show.  Of course when I told my son later he told me I had left it beside the TV at home.  I wish I had asked him earlier!   Duh…. !!

Friday and Saturday morning my son attended baseball camp with the Long Island Ducks, a local minor league baseball team. He was very fortunate to have won a scholarship to attend through the Kevin Williams Foundation.  We are very grateful to Kevin's family for their generosity.  It’s a nice camp where the kids are taught everything by the Ducks players in their stadium (which holds just over 6,000 seats). 

Friday rained but they held the camp anyway.  Saturday’s weather was so much nicer.  The sun was out and the temps climbed to around 80.  My little girl decided she wanted to be my son’s cheerleader.  I managed to get a few photos of my son from a skirmish game, mostly of him batting. 

No closeups because he wouldn’t stand still that long! 

I had to get one of the cheerleader too of course…

At the end of camp each day the kids had a pizza party with the players where they would autograph balls, bats or whatever the kids brought with them.  They have a pro shop there where the kids can buy baseball cards (and other stuff) so the players can sign those too.  When everything was done on Saturday each kid got a nice embroidered team jersey and a Spalding equipment bag.  The bag was really nice and came with different color pieces you could switch for the top piece to change the look of it.  My son was pretty impressed with it.  He had been sent to the camp on a scholarship and the place that sent him bought him a really nice Yankees aluminum bat so he had the players sign that.

Camp was over at 12:30 and my son’s mentor showed up to take him to Splish Splash, which is a huge water park here on Long Island.  My son had never been there before and neither had his mentor.  They were supposed to be going with a group, a bunch of mentors and other kids, and the trip was supposed to start earlier in the morning at Splish Splash but since my son had camp his mentor and the organization agreed to let them meet the group later so he could do both. 

The only problem was (and I didn’t find this out until last night) the person who was supposed to meet them with the tickets didn’t show when he was supposed to, so my son’s mentor had to shell out $70 out of his own pocket for tickets.  Good thing he had cash on him!  I hope he will not have a hard time getting reimbursed.  He was nice enough to take my son out for ice cream later too.  The drive to Splish Splash is probably an hour away from here so I’m surprised he had any energy left!