I’m feeling really overwhelmed these days.  There is so much going on with both my older daughter and my son I don’t know where to begin.

I guess the more stressful matter is the ongoing situation with my daughter.  She has been getting into more trouble this week and her counselor has now told me that she doesn’t think she will get any more benefit from this program and wants to refer her to a long term (9 to 12 months) program here on Long Island, because she feels their program is more appropriate for her needs and for our familiy’s, and they will also allow for more visitation where that has been a major problem where she is now.  She is faxing intake paperwork over for me to review this evening.

While I will be glad to get her out of the current placement I am not happy about further inpatient treatment for that length of time.  The proposed facility does not take insurance either; they go by a sliding scale.  I’m scared to death about that.

Her current counselor also tells me this place has a GED program, since my daughter is now interested in pursuing that avenue instead of continuing towards her high school diploma (she was a junior in high school before going inpatient).  When I spoke to my daughter earlier this week she mentioned something about this, but I think it is more that she is really very concerned that she has fallen so far behind in her schoolwork that she will not be able to catch up, even with summer school.  I told her I thought it was a good sign that she was so concerned about her schoolwork and that I had spoken to her school counselor here and she should not worry, that we would get her caught up.  I think the teacher there has been hard on here when she does not have work to do, but that is not her fault.  I’m just so TIRED of chasing people to do things…

(Later….)  My son had therapy tonight, a makeup session since he refused to go to his regularly scheduled weekly appointment on Monday.  He wouldn’t do much of anything he was supposed to do this week.  He skipped church and Sunday school, he skipped regular school on Tuesday because he refused to go to bed until 2 AM Monday night and would not take his meds either, so of course he could not wake up Tuesday morning.

I told the therapist that we had a CSE meeting last week for my son and that he would be scheduled for a screening at an alternate (Special Ed) school.  It is the same school my older daughter normally attends, only he would be in the new middle school wing.  He is presently failing more than half of his classes in regular middle school and his attendance is a problem as well.  I received an attendance notice for his Language Arts class; he has had 15 absences so far this year and he is allowed 24 before he loses credit for the course.  I’m sure most of his other courses have similar attendance issues.

The alternate school has an optional component that could take over control of his meds and therapy within the school setting.  I did not want that for my daughter because I was very happy with her providers, but for my son we have not been getting anywhere no matter how hard we bang our heads.  He has been resistant to everything.  He refuses to engage in therapy most of the time and only takes meds when he feels like it.  So a change might do him good.

I know I am open for any kind of help at this point because I can’t take his behavior any more.  Yesterday I went to pick him up at school and he was not there.  He was supposed to stay late for Language Arts help but had left early.  I went home and found him in the middle of a panic attack, unable to breathe, seething with anger at me and trying to pick the lock on my apartment.  He had punched a huge hole in the wall above my railing and all of his belongings were strewn across the stairs.  When I first saw him crying and screaming I thought someone had beat him up, but no, he was just mad that he was locked out of the apartment. 

Meanwhile, I normally do leave the door unlocked, but had locked it for two reasons.  One, when I left the house at noon I found that my son had left the front door of the house WIDE open, and it had been open for over four hours.  So anybody seeing my car gone from the driveway could have thought to break in, and I wasn’t going to give anyone that opportunity.  Two, since I was supposed to be picking my son up after school, he wouldn’t need to let himself in the apartment.  In a perfect world…

I pulled the paper clip or whatever it was out of the lock, after I had gotten my inhaler for my son to help him breathe and tried to calm him down.  All the while I had to listen to him tell me how everything he did was MY FAULT.  I’m getting tired of this old rant.  Really.  So I get the clip out and try my key in the lock.  The key goes in and the knob turns, but the door won’t open.  It moves about half an inch forward, but that’s it.  I try messing with it for about ten minutes but then we have to leave to meet my son’s tutor at the library. 

We get back home and I try the door again.  It’s not like I have any tools on the outside of the door.  I try a credit card, no dice.  The problem was, the strike plate was moving with the door knob and the door, and it was blocking the door from going past it.  Eventually I gave up and did one of those as-seen-on-TV break down the door deals.  Only it was harder because I was doing it from a step below, so I had to go at it two or three times.  It was a big relief when it gave way!

I would have thought my son could give us a day off from his behavior, but NO.  He was still acting up tonight with his little sister.  He plays way too rough with her no matter how much I beg him not to.  He got mad at her for some dumb thing tonight and threw his social studies textbook at her.  It’s a heavy book.  He did apologize at least for that one but he should know enough not to do it in the first place.

I did get to talk to my older daughter again tonight and she doesn’t know if she wants to go to this place here on Long Island now… a few days ago she did.  Can’t seem to please anyone lately.  I need to get her school counselor from here to talk to her, she agreed that would help calm her a lot.  She also said she felt that if she got in a car from there to here, that if she got close to home that she would just want to come home and not go anywhere else.  I can completely understand her feeling that way.  After all she said she was only told this was going to be 28 day program and that was before Thanksgiving.  She is so homesick.  She wants to come home January 16 because that will be 60 days since she started.  I know anything beyond that is going to be pulling teeth.

The staff person who was supposed to have the intake paperwork for me had called in sick tonight so I did not get to review that.  I was pretty bummed out about that.  Hopefully they can email it or send it to me some other way so I can get it quickly.  I don't want to have to wait until next week.

Well I better get some shuteye or I won’t be any good to anyone.